This blog is for all the young single ladies out there. I've noticed a bunch of you seem to have a reoccurring problem...guys. And while I do not claim to be an expert on relationships, I do think I'm an expert on being a single lady! So here are some tips for all you single ladies out there.
1) You do not NEED a man. I've seen a lot of smart, charming, amazing young ladies buy into the belief that they need a man in order to be happy. Sorry ladies, but this just isn't the case. Now, don't get me wrong. Having a relationship with a good man can, and will bring you much happiness. But in order to achieve true happiness, you need to find happiness within yourself first!
This is hard for us ladies. For some reason us women are hardwired to be insecure a lot of the time. We're never pretty enough, never thin enough, never smart enough, never talented enough, never good enough...you get the idea. We get so caught up in what we think we aren't, that we miss out on what we are. So we seek affirmation, and validation from a man. And guess what? We never find it! You can not find true happiness with a mate until you find true happiness with yourself. All those constant doubts, fears, and insecurities are sent straight from the enemy to prevent you from realizing just how amazing you truly are. So you run from guy to guy, trying to find the acceptance that you crave, and you never find it. You'll spend so much time searching for "the one" that you miss out on The One. God. And guess what, girl? He created you exactly as you are, and God doesn't make mistakes! So learn to love yourself. Figure out who you are, and just how amazing you are. Then, and only then, will you be able to accept love from a man. Because how in the world can you love others, if you don't love yourself first?
2) Don't date someone just because. Just because you're lonely. Just because all your friends are dating. Just because he seems nice enough, and no one else seems to be on the horizon. Just because he's good looking. Ladies, it is much better to be single, than it is to date someone you don't really have a connection with. Now most people advise against making a list of qualities you want in a guy, but I highly recommend it. But, don't make your list so unrealistic that you'll never find a guy worthy enough. Men aren't perfect, ladies(and neither are we). But I do suggest that you sit down and make a list of "must-haves" and "deal-breakers". And once you make this list, stick to it! Don't compromise your standards just because you don't want to be alone.
3) Don't change yourself. Ok, ladies, let's get real. We've all done this. We meet a guy we like, and we all of a sudden lose sight of who we are, and become who we think he wants us to be. And guess what? It never works. Guys aren't stupid. They know when we're not being genuine. They can tell somethings up. And if we don't ever let our walls down and let them in, they leave. So we end up all hurt, and upset, then move on to the next guy, and do the exact same thing. Then we're surprised when he leaves us too. And all of this rejection weighs heavily on us, leaving us scarred and sometimes bitter. Why do we do this to ourselves?
When you do date someone, you need to be YOU. You need to let that amazing, remarkable, funny, one of a kind girl shine through. You need to be confident in who you are! Men love confident women. So don't be afraid to be yourself. It's ok to like things that your guy doesn't like. It's ok to have different opinions. Obviously you want some common ground with your fella. You don't want to be with someone that doesn't share any of your interests. But it's ok to maintain your own identity while in a relationship. And if you meet a guy that doesn't like you for who you are, that's ok! He obviously isn't the guy for you, so you don't need him anyway. Dust yourself off, and realize that your love story is still being written. Take comfort in the fact that one day you'll meet the guy that falls head over heels for YOU. And he'll think you're perfect just the way you are!
4) Let the guy pursue you! Ladies, this one is important. You meet a guy you seem to have a connection with, you're really excited about it, so you come on a little to strong. You call or text a bit too much. Freak out when he doesn't immediately respond. And before you know it, that great new guy has run for the hills, and you're alone yet again. Pay attention to this next part....Let your man be a man! Men are hunters. They like the thrill of the chase. But for some reason young ladies today think they need to pursue the guy. And then it comes off that we're too needy, too clingy, or desperate. And nothing screams "red flag!" more to a man, than a girl that comes on way too strong.
Men like to know that they are the leaders in a relationship. And this is how it should be. Now, please understand, I'm not saying you should be with a guy that totally tries to control you, order you around, keep you away from your friends and family, or abuses you. I'm just saying man is the leader when it comes to a relationship. And especially in the early stages, he needs to feel like he is in control. So let him chase you! Everything in moderation though, ladies. Don't play so hard to get that he loses interest. Guys need a little bit of encouragement too! But keep in mind that you are a worthy of being pursed. Your guy will respect the fact that you clearly know your value and worth. So when he finally does catch you, he'll be proud of the fact that you considered him worthy of your affection.
5) Don't rush your relationship. Ok, we're all guilty of this one too. So, we've met this amazing guy. We let him pursue us. We've allowed ourselves to be caught....and then we immediately get caught up in what I call He's the one! Syndrome Don't lie, you all know what I'm talking about. As soon as we meet someone we really like, we start thinking long term. We're thinking "I really like this guy! He could be the one!" And we start planning for the long term. While he's thinking "I really like this girl. I wanna hang out with her some more, and see where it goes." See the difference ladies?
It's very important when you meet a great guy, that you slow your roll, and take the time to really get to know him, before you let your imagination run away with you. If you get all caught up in the initial infatuation, and don't take the time to really get to know each other, your relationship is headed for disaster. It will be held together by those giddy emotions, which will eventually wear off a little over time, and you'll realize that your relationship is all superficial and has no real substance. And then what happens? Your relationship will fizzle out, and end. All because there was nothing real holding it together. I almost lost my amazing, wonderful man because of this. We rushed things, and got all caught up in the mushy stuff, that it made our relationship seem disingenuine. So we split up. And it was actually during our split that we started connecting on a deeper level, and became best friends. Now we're together, and we have a solid relationship, because we have more than just a superficial connection.
So, when you start dating a guy, take things slow. Get to know him. Let him get to know you. Form a real, and lasting connection. Find out if there's something more to your relationship than just a physical or shallow connection. Your man needs to be your best friend. The first person you want to call when something good or bad happens. He needs to be your rock, and someone you know will be there for you at all times. If your guy isn't this to you, then he shouldn't be your guy.
6) Be patient. This is a hard one. Especially if you're surrounded by friends and family members that are in happy relationships. You want one too, and you want one NOW! But you need to exercise patience, when it comes to relationships. Especially you younger ladies. Trust me, it's a good thing to be single when you're younger; especially if you're in high school. I'm not knocking everyone who dates in high school, I did it(and man was it a mess!). But I also know some couples who were high school sweet hearts, and are now happily married. The thing is though, you need to realize that what you want in a guy when you're 17 can, and will change by the time you're 25. So being patient is a good thing!
I went through a long stretch of being single. And yeah, it stunk some days. But I'm so glad that I was patient, and trusted that God had it all in His hands. He was still working on me, and helping me realize exactly what I wanted in a mate. So if you're single, embrace it. Realize that it's just for a season, and there's much you can learn while you're waiting for your Prince Charming to appear. There's nothing wrong with being single ladies! So relax, and enjoy your season of singleness. Learn who you are, learn what you want, and trust that God is preparing something amazing for you. And if you act with too much haste, you may just miss out on what God has planned for you. Remember, patience is a virture!
Well, there's my two cents. I hope this helps some of you single ladies out there. And just remember, you are a prize worthy of being pursued! Just don't let yourself get caught too easily! ;)
