Beggars can't be choosers...or can they?



So, we've all heard that saying, right?  Honestly, I hate it, but I felt it was appropriate for this blog.  Here's why:

I have been called many things throughout my life.  I've been called weird, crazy, silly, smart, goofy, witty, intelligent, dumb(evidently it IS possible to be smart and dumb at the same time!), and, my least favorite...desperate.  Ugh, right?  How horrible is that word?  But the worst part? I was called that by some of my closest friends, and even family members. 

Why you ask?  Well, because I didn't date a lot.  I didn't jump from guy to guy, go out on dates with any boy that asked, and because I didn't have sex.  Yep, I'm a virgin.  And proud of it! So therefore, in this day and age, I MUST be desperate.  I MUST not be able to get a date.  It couldn't be because I chose to be single.  And nobody in their right mind was a virgin by choice(you picking up on the sarcasm?).  So, my family, and friends labeled me "undateable." Let me qualify, not all of my friends and family did, but most of them thought I was desperate for a man. They, of course, never really said this to my face, but over the years I picked up on the subtle hints.  Like the little pitying stares I'd get when we'd celebrate holidays, and I was the only one that didn't show up with a guy on my arm.  Or when my friends would try to set me up with guys that clearly were NOT my type(any guy is better than no guy, right?). Or when one of my little cousins, who was about 4 or 5 said to me, "You're just jealous because I can get dates, and you can't!"  Clearly this was something she had overheard from one of my relatives, because I don't believe a child that young would be able to come up with something like that on their own.

For years this went on.  For years I was told that I needed to get out there and date.  For years I was told that it was silly to be saving myself for marriage, because no one did that any more, and I didn't know what I was missing out on.  For years people were convinced that there must be something wrong with me, because otherwise I'd have a guy.  And the thing is, for a brief moment in time, I almost believed them!

But then I had to remind myself of why I was single.  Of why I was a virgin(again I say, and proud of it!).  It wasn't because I couldn't get a date, it was because I was very selective about who I thought was worthy of my attention.  Read that last part back, ladies.  A man needs to be worthy of your attention in order to be worth your time.  No, that doesn't mean you think you're better than everyone else.  It doesn't mean that you're so picky, that you rule out any guy who isn't 100% perfect in every way(that guy? He doesn't exist).  It just means that you need to realize your worth, and your value, and not waste any time on a guy who doesn't see just how amazing you are. 

Young girls today are pressured into thinking that they need to be dating, they need to be having sex, and they need to be in a relationship, or something is wrong with them.  So they jump from guy to guy, get their heart broken over and over, and give up their virtue, all in a quest to find some form of validation that will never come their way.  And when it's all said and done, they end up broken, with no self-esteem, no feeling of value, and labeled as "damaged goods."  So many young girls that fall into this pattern, will say "If I could go back, I never would have had sex." But then when a new guy comes along, they feel like since they've already done it, then there's no point in stopping, and end up sleeping with every boy they date. This breaks my heart.

I want all the young ladies out there, and even the older ones too, to know that it is a good thing to be a little bit picky when it comes to men.  And if you're single, there is NOTHING wrong with you.  It's ok to be on your own for a time.  That way you can figure out who you are, and what you want when you do decide to date.  And for all you virgins out there...hold your head's high! Do not EVER let anyone tell you that you're dumb for waiting.  Do not EVER let anyone make you think that the reason you haven't had sex is because you can't get anyone.  Do not EVER let anyone convince you to give up on what you so clearly value, especially if it's a guy your dating.  If you are not ready to have sex, and a guy is pressuring you, it's time to cut him loose.  He clearly does not respect you, or value you enough to wait. And you don't need a man like that.  And for all you ladies that have had sex, but want to wait again, WAIT.  It's your choice, and no one should make you feel like you have to do something that you don't want to do.

I'm not going to lie, it's not going to be easy.  It hurts when people make you feel like you're flawed in some way, because of the choices you make.  And it stings when the people you care about call you desperate.  Even now, when I've found the man of my dreams, I still face criticism from those closest to me.  I was recently accused of being "more in love with the idea of a wedding" than the man that I've waited my whole life for.  And it was by someone who I thought knew me really well, and understood that I would NEVER just marry a man, because I wanted to get married. Someone I thought understood that I would only agree to spend the rest of my life with someone, if I knew that he was worthy of my love, and exactly what I wanted. That one hurt.  But you have to realize, people are going to say things like this, and you just have to rise above it.  You have to remember what it is that you want, and what it is that you don't want, and stay strong.  Don't let anyone make you feel like you have to settle. 

Remember, it's your life.  So if you want to be picky in your choices, do it.  And if anyone calls you desperate, or says the hated phrase "beggars can't be choosers!" to you...you just let me know! I'll take care of them for you! But seriously, don't let them inside your head.  Because when it's all said and done, someone should be begging YOU to make them your choice.