Beggars can't be choosers...or can they?



So, we've all heard that saying, right?  Honestly, I hate it, but I felt it was appropriate for this blog.  Here's why:

I have been called many things throughout my life.  I've been called weird, crazy, silly, smart, goofy, witty, intelligent, dumb(evidently it IS possible to be smart and dumb at the same time!), and, my least favorite...desperate.  Ugh, right?  How horrible is that word?  But the worst part? I was called that by some of my closest friends, and even family members. 

Why you ask?  Well, because I didn't date a lot.  I didn't jump from guy to guy, go out on dates with any boy that asked, and because I didn't have sex.  Yep, I'm a virgin.  And proud of it! So therefore, in this day and age, I MUST be desperate.  I MUST not be able to get a date.  It couldn't be because I chose to be single.  And nobody in their right mind was a virgin by choice(you picking up on the sarcasm?).  So, my family, and friends labeled me "undateable." Let me qualify, not all of my friends and family did, but most of them thought I was desperate for a man. They, of course, never really said this to my face, but over the years I picked up on the subtle hints.  Like the little pitying stares I'd get when we'd celebrate holidays, and I was the only one that didn't show up with a guy on my arm.  Or when my friends would try to set me up with guys that clearly were NOT my type(any guy is better than no guy, right?). Or when one of my little cousins, who was about 4 or 5 said to me, "You're just jealous because I can get dates, and you can't!"  Clearly this was something she had overheard from one of my relatives, because I don't believe a child that young would be able to come up with something like that on their own.

For years this went on.  For years I was told that I needed to get out there and date.  For years I was told that it was silly to be saving myself for marriage, because no one did that any more, and I didn't know what I was missing out on.  For years people were convinced that there must be something wrong with me, because otherwise I'd have a guy.  And the thing is, for a brief moment in time, I almost believed them!

But then I had to remind myself of why I was single.  Of why I was a virgin(again I say, and proud of it!).  It wasn't because I couldn't get a date, it was because I was very selective about who I thought was worthy of my attention.  Read that last part back, ladies.  A man needs to be worthy of your attention in order to be worth your time.  No, that doesn't mean you think you're better than everyone else.  It doesn't mean that you're so picky, that you rule out any guy who isn't 100% perfect in every way(that guy? He doesn't exist).  It just means that you need to realize your worth, and your value, and not waste any time on a guy who doesn't see just how amazing you are. 

Young girls today are pressured into thinking that they need to be dating, they need to be having sex, and they need to be in a relationship, or something is wrong with them.  So they jump from guy to guy, get their heart broken over and over, and give up their virtue, all in a quest to find some form of validation that will never come their way.  And when it's all said and done, they end up broken, with no self-esteem, no feeling of value, and labeled as "damaged goods."  So many young girls that fall into this pattern, will say "If I could go back, I never would have had sex." But then when a new guy comes along, they feel like since they've already done it, then there's no point in stopping, and end up sleeping with every boy they date. This breaks my heart.

I want all the young ladies out there, and even the older ones too, to know that it is a good thing to be a little bit picky when it comes to men.  And if you're single, there is NOTHING wrong with you.  It's ok to be on your own for a time.  That way you can figure out who you are, and what you want when you do decide to date.  And for all you virgins out there...hold your head's high! Do not EVER let anyone tell you that you're dumb for waiting.  Do not EVER let anyone make you think that the reason you haven't had sex is because you can't get anyone.  Do not EVER let anyone convince you to give up on what you so clearly value, especially if it's a guy your dating.  If you are not ready to have sex, and a guy is pressuring you, it's time to cut him loose.  He clearly does not respect you, or value you enough to wait. And you don't need a man like that.  And for all you ladies that have had sex, but want to wait again, WAIT.  It's your choice, and no one should make you feel like you have to do something that you don't want to do.

I'm not going to lie, it's not going to be easy.  It hurts when people make you feel like you're flawed in some way, because of the choices you make.  And it stings when the people you care about call you desperate.  Even now, when I've found the man of my dreams, I still face criticism from those closest to me.  I was recently accused of being "more in love with the idea of a wedding" than the man that I've waited my whole life for.  And it was by someone who I thought knew me really well, and understood that I would NEVER just marry a man, because I wanted to get married. Someone I thought understood that I would only agree to spend the rest of my life with someone, if I knew that he was worthy of my love, and exactly what I wanted. That one hurt.  But you have to realize, people are going to say things like this, and you just have to rise above it.  You have to remember what it is that you want, and what it is that you don't want, and stay strong.  Don't let anyone make you feel like you have to settle. 

Remember, it's your life.  So if you want to be picky in your choices, do it.  And if anyone calls you desperate, or says the hated phrase "beggars can't be choosers!" to you...you just let me know! I'll take care of them for you! But seriously, don't let them inside your head.  Because when it's all said and done, someone should be begging YOU to make them your choice.

All the Single Ladies



This blog is for all the young single ladies out there.  I've noticed a bunch of you seem to have a reoccurring problem...guys.  And while I do not claim to be an expert on relationships, I do think I'm an expert on being a single lady! So here are some tips for all you single ladies out there.

1) You do not NEED a man.  I've seen a lot of smart, charming, amazing young ladies buy into the belief that they need a man in order to be happy.  Sorry ladies, but this just isn't the case.  Now, don't get me wrong.  Having a relationship with a good man can, and will bring you much happiness.  But in order to achieve true happiness, you need to find happiness within yourself first!

This is hard for us ladies.  For some reason us women are hardwired to be insecure a lot of the time.  We're never pretty enough, never thin enough, never smart enough, never talented enough, never good enough...you get the idea.  We get so caught up in what we think we aren't, that we miss out on what we are.  So we seek affirmation, and validation from a man.  And guess what?  We never find it!  You can not find true happiness with a mate until you find true happiness with yourself.  All those constant doubts, fears, and insecurities are sent straight from the enemy to prevent you from realizing just how amazing you truly are. So you run from guy to guy, trying to find the acceptance that you crave, and you never find it.  You'll spend so much time searching for "the one" that you miss out on The One. God.  And guess what, girl?  He created you exactly as you are, and God doesn't make mistakes!  So learn to love yourself.  Figure out who you are, and just how amazing you are.  Then, and only then, will you be able to accept love from a man.  Because how in the world can you love others, if you don't love yourself first?

2) Don't date someone just because.  Just because you're lonely. Just because all your friends are dating.  Just because he seems nice enough, and no one else seems to be on the horizon.  Just because he's good looking.  Ladies, it is much better to be single, than it is to date someone you don't really have a connection with.  Now most people advise against making a list of qualities you want in a guy, but I highly recommend it.  But, don't make your list so unrealistic that you'll never find a guy worthy enough.  Men aren't perfect, ladies(and neither are we). But I do suggest that you sit down and make a list of "must-haves" and "deal-breakers".  And once you make this list, stick to it! Don't compromise your standards just because you don't want to be alone. 

3) Don't change yourself.  Ok, ladies, let's get real.  We've all done this.  We meet a guy we like, and we all of a sudden lose sight of who we are, and become who we think he wants us to be.  And guess what?  It never works.  Guys aren't stupid.  They know when we're not being genuine.  They can tell somethings up.  And if we don't ever let our walls down and let them in, they leave.  So we end up all hurt, and upset, then move on to the next guy, and do the exact same thing.  Then we're surprised when he leaves us too.  And all of this rejection weighs heavily on us, leaving us scarred and sometimes bitter.  Why do we do this to ourselves?

When you do date someone, you need to be YOU.  You need to let that amazing, remarkable, funny, one of a kind girl shine through.  You need to be confident in who you are!  Men love confident women.  So don't be afraid to be yourself.  It's ok to like things that your guy doesn't like.  It's ok to have different opinions.  Obviously you want some common ground with your fella.  You don't want to be with someone that doesn't share any of your interests.  But it's ok to maintain your own identity while in a relationship.  And if you meet a guy that doesn't like you for who you are, that's ok!  He obviously isn't the guy for you, so you don't need him anyway.  Dust yourself off, and realize that your love story is still being written.  Take comfort in the fact that one day you'll meet the guy that falls head over heels for YOU.  And he'll think you're perfect just the way you are!

4) Let the guy pursue you! Ladies, this one is important.  You meet a guy you seem to have a connection with, you're really excited about it, so you come on a little to strong.  You call or text a bit too much.  Freak out when he doesn't immediately respond. And before you know it, that great new guy has run for the hills, and you're alone yet again.  Pay attention to this next part....Let your man be a man!  Men are hunters.  They like the thrill of the chase.  But for some reason young ladies today think they need to pursue the guy.  And then it comes off that we're too needy, too clingy, or desperate.  And nothing screams "red flag!" more to a man, than a girl that comes on way too strong.

Men like to know that they are the leaders in a relationship.  And this is how it should be.  Now, please understand, I'm not saying you should be with a guy that totally tries to control you,  order you around, keep you away from  your friends and family, or abuses you.  I'm just saying man is the leader when it comes to a relationship.  And especially in the early stages, he needs to feel like he is in control.  So let him chase you! Everything in moderation though, ladies.  Don't play so hard to get that he loses interest.  Guys need a little bit of encouragement too!  But keep in mind that you are a worthy of being pursed.  Your guy will respect the fact that you clearly know your value and worth.  So when he finally does catch you, he'll be proud of the fact that you considered him worthy of your affection.

5) Don't rush your relationship.  Ok, we're all guilty of this one too.  So, we've met this amazing guy.  We let him pursue us.  We've allowed ourselves to be caught....and then we immediately get caught up in what I call He's the one! Syndrome Don't lie, you all know what I'm talking about.  As soon as we meet someone we really like, we start thinking long term.  We're thinking "I really like this guy! He could be the one!" And we start planning for the long term.  While he's thinking "I really like this girl.  I wanna hang out with her some more, and see where it goes."  See the difference ladies? 

It's very important when you meet a great guy, that you slow your roll, and take the time to really get to know him, before you let your imagination run away with you.  If you get all caught up in the initial infatuation, and don't take the time to really get to know each other, your relationship is headed for disaster.  It will be held together by those giddy emotions, which will eventually wear off a little over time, and you'll realize that your relationship is all superficial and has no real substance.  And then what happens?  Your relationship will fizzle out, and end.  All because there was nothing real holding it together.  I almost lost my amazing, wonderful man because of this.  We rushed things, and got all caught up in the mushy stuff, that it made our relationship seem disingenuine. So we split up.  And it was actually during our split that we started connecting on a deeper level, and became best friends.  Now we're together, and we have a solid relationship, because we have more than just a superficial connection. 

So, when you start dating a guy, take things slow.  Get to know him.  Let him get to know you.  Form a real, and lasting connection.  Find out if there's something more to your relationship than just a physical or shallow connection.  Your man needs to be your best friend.  The first person you want to call when something good or bad happens.  He needs to be your rock, and someone you know will be there for you at all times.  If your guy isn't this to you, then he shouldn't be your guy. 

6) Be patient.  This is a hard one.  Especially if you're surrounded by friends and family members that are in happy relationships.  You want one too, and you want one NOW!  But you need to exercise patience, when it comes to relationships.  Especially you younger ladies.  Trust me, it's a good thing to be single when you're younger; especially if you're in high school.  I'm not knocking everyone who dates in high school, I did it(and man was it a mess!).  But I also know some couples who were high school sweet hearts, and are now happily married.  The thing is though, you need to realize that what you want in a guy when you're 17 can, and will change by the time you're 25.  So being patient is a good thing!

I went through a long stretch of being single.  And yeah, it stunk some days.  But I'm so glad that I was patient, and trusted that God had it all in His hands. He was still working on me, and helping me realize exactly what I wanted in a mate.  So if you're single, embrace it.  Realize that it's just for a season, and there's much you can learn while you're waiting for your Prince Charming to appear.  There's nothing wrong with being single ladies!  So relax, and enjoy your season of singleness.  Learn who you are, learn what you want, and trust that God is preparing something amazing for you.  And if you act with too much haste, you may just miss out on what God has planned for you.  Remember, patience is a virture!

Well, there's my two cents.  I hope this helps some of you single ladies out there. And just remember, you are a prize worthy of being pursued! Just don't let yourself get caught too easily! ;)

The Adventures of Young Josephine

Josephine stared off into the distance, looking at nothing.  She was lost in her own world again.  You see, Josephine had a special talent.  She had the gift of dreams.  Josephine often had dreams that came true, and she also had the ability to interpret not only her own dreams, but the dreams of others. Just the night before, she had had a particularly interesting dream, involving her sisters and her father.  It was this dream that held her locked in a world that no other could gain access to.  She was trying to decipher what the dream could possibly mean, when suddenly she was snapped back to reality.

"Jo! Earth to Josephine! We're trying to have a family discussion here, and we'd appreciate it if you'd at least try to act interested." Ruby, Josephine's eldest sister snapped.

Jo shook her head, and crashed back into the real world.  She was currently seated in a conference room, at the headquarters of her family's business, Tribe of Twelve.  The name of the company had been inspired by her rather large family.  You see, Josephine had A LOT of sisters.  Twelve of them actually.  And as a result, her father, Jacob, called them his "tribe of little women"...hence the name of the company. 

Jacob had started out with nothing, but through his hard work and dedication, he had created a vast empire, and owned one of the largest clothing empires in the United States.  All of his girls worked for him, and each played a vital part.  From design to marketing to distribution, they did it all.  Most of the time, the girls got along and things went smoothly.  But on occasion sibling rivaly reared it's ugly head, and things could get messy.  Jacob had his hands full...not only with his company, but with all of his daughters who appeared to be as different as night and day. 

Jacob may have been successful in business, but his personal life was another matter.  Jacob had been married, and widowed four times. His first wife, Leah, had given him six of his daughters.  Ruby, the eldest, Simone, Lee, Judith, Isa, and Zora. Jacob's second wife, Rachel(who was also his favorite), gave him Josephine, and Benita, whom all the girls called Benni. His third wife, Billy, birthed Danielle(Dani), and Natalie.  Jacob's fourth wife, Zoe, was mother to Gabrielle(Gab), and Ashley.

Jacob loved his daughters dearly, and at times seemed blind to the rivalry that existed between his girls.  He was an older man, and didn't realize that some of his precious girls were already thinking of what would happen to the company if he were no longer around to run it.  All of his daughters had inherited his drive and ambition, but a few of them were a little more ambitious than the others, and coveted the role of leader.  Especially Ruby, who felt that as the eldest daughter, she was called to lead her sisters and Tribe of Twelve in her father's stead.  It was she, in fact, who was currently leading the meeting they were all assembled at.

Josephine blushed, as she glanced around the table to find all eyes on her and immediately set out to make things right.

"I'm sorry, Ruby." Josephine said humbly. "I'm afraid my mind was elsewhere.  What was it you were saying?"

"Your mind is always 'elsewhere', you little twit." Snapped Judith. "Lost in your dream world, as usual!"

All the sisters, snickered at this open mockery of their least favorite sister. They couldn't help it; for you see, they were all more than a little jealous of Josephine.  Not only was she very beautiful in face and form, she was also their father's favorite daughter.  And while Jacob loved all of the girls of his little tribe, he couldn't help loving Josephine the most.  She reminded him so much of his precious wife Rachel, who he still treasured to this day.  In fact, to show his favor to Josephine, he had recently bought her a necklace, that glittered with precious gems in every color of the rainbow. Josephine was delighted with the gift from her father, and wore it proudly.  Much to the chagrin of her sisters.

"Now girls," Jacob chided. "Do not speak so to your sister.  We all know she lives in a land of dreams, and while you may not understand it, it is not your place to demean her for it.  Let her be."

All the girls stewed in silence.  Again, their father showed his preference for Josephine by openly taking her side in the matter.  Bitterness ate at their hearts, and more than one of the angelic faces surrounding the table were plotting all sorts of dark thoughts upon their sister.  The dreamer must pay!

Ruby, cleared her throat, and tried to regain control of the meeting.  "As I was saying, and I would appreciate it if you would pay attention Jo, this time, so I don't have to repeat myself, was that there has been interest to expand Tribe of Twelve into China.  Evidently, for some reason, they can't seem to get enough of our t-shirts. Internet orders to China have doubled over the last two months alone, so clearly there is cause to think setting up a chain of stores in that country might be beneficial to us."

"I agree with Ruby," Simone piped in.  "Think of the fortune to be had if we could take Tribe of Twelve global!"

"Fortune isn't everything..." Josephine whispered distractedly, and it appeared she was lost in her world of dreams again.

"Yes, well, that decides it then." Natalie said sarcastically. "If Jo whispers something cryptic, then it's a clear sign that, even though all of us agree this is a good idea, we should all change our minds.  Seriously, sister, what is wrong with you?"

"This doesn't feel right.  We should concentrate on our empire here, and not stretch ourselves to thin.  What if something were to happen?" Josephine replied, clearly upset by something.

"What could possibly happen, Jo?" Ruby said in exasperation.  "Things have never been better for Tribe of Twelve than they are now! Our profits are through the roof, and don't seem to show any signs of slowing.  Global expansion is clearly the next step, and China is the perfect market. In fact, I think we should act as quickly as possible, and so I'm suggesting we vote on the matter now."

"Please, Ruby, don't act to rashly!" Jo beseeched her sister.  "We should postpone the vote for a few days so we can all pray about this, and see where God leads us."

"Josephine! I do pray," Ruby exclaimed in outrage. "And it's clear that God has blessed our family, and Tribe of Twelve or we wouldn't be doing so well.  And the mere fact that the orders in China keep growing should be proof enough that God wants us to move into their market."

"Now girls, please, let's not argue. Clearly something is troubling you, Josephine.  What is it little one?" Jacob said tenderly, as he took his favorite daughters hand.

Josephine looked around the table at the eleven faces of her sisters, and saw that they were all clearly frustrated with her.  Finally her gaze rested on her father, and as she looked into his eyes, tears filled her own.

"Father, I've had a dream."


TO BE CONTINUED...